Tag Archives: women in society

Nope, no. Absolutely not

I’m sure this has happened to other people, single or in a relationship, who are without kids. I’m pretty sure, actually, because I’ve talked to those people, friends and family both, who are in their late 20s or 30s or 40s and have never had children. I have read articles from other women admiting that they don’t want children and the reaction they receive. I find the whole thing very odd. Like it’s anyone elses business what I want to do with my life or my body.

I don’t want children. At all. For a while I was on the fence. I listened to people as they told me I just needed to find the right person. Or I just needed to be at the right place in my life. Or it’ll just feel like the right time when it’s the right time. My little sister has a child and it’s completely changed her life for the better. I can see the love she feels for her kiddo every time she looks at him. So maybe it’s a little ironic that his first birthday really hit home the idea that, nope, I really don’t want children. I watched people coo over the baby and hold him and watched my sister open his presents and while I was filled with love for this little guy I also realized that it really isn’t for me.  At all. I’m not interested.

At teacher check out this year, I really drove that point home for myself. At the end of the school year teachers come back one extra day to close out their room for the summer. Many of my peers brought their little ones in to work with them as they did some last minute paper work and picked up their summer checks. I was walking through the front office on my way out when one of the lovely ladies who works at the front desk commented on my lack of child in tow. My exact response was “nope, no, absolutely not, fuck that.” It was a quick response with no thought behind it. It was my knee-jerk answer to the question of children. It was at that point that I really realized that this decision felt right for me. I’d always been on the fence, but I’ve now jumped over the fence into the “nope” camp.

And here’s the thing: I’m not going to be ashamed of my choice. Sure, I might change my mind one day, but probably not. I enjoy my life and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about the decisions I make that best fit me. Just like I won’t judge the 6 children someone else chooses to have. I’m a little tired of other people feeling like they need to make me feel like a horible person because of my life style.  While my knee-jerk response surprised me at first, I think it’s one I’m going to start using as a stock answer to that question.  Or maybe people can just stop asking women in their 30s when they are going to have children.


A funny thing happened at the Mimi’s Cafe

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I went to have dinner at Mimi’s Cafe, a New Orleans themed diner, near his house.  The hostess sat us in a booth off in the corner where we could chat without worries.  On the way to the booth, it happened.

Let me paint the scene for you a little.  I was wearing my Captain America shirt.  It’s blue with the Captain’s shield right in the center.  I’m sure you’ve seen it before.  I think I got it at some name brand store when the first Captain America movie came out.  We’re walking to our seats when an older (late 50’s maybe) man stands up, ready to leave.  He takes a look at my shirt.

Him:”Wearing your boyfriend’s shirt?”

Me: :/ “…No”

Him: “Haha” *shrug*

Shrug.  As if to say, “Oh, well, you understand, little lady.  See, that’s a comic shirt you’re wearing.  I’m sure you’re not aware of that and it was only natural for me to assume that it was your boyfriend’s.  But don’t be offended.  After all, you’re a girl.  It was an honest mistake.”

My reaction when we finally sat at our table: “What the f@#$?  Seriously, dude.  I know who the f@#$ Captain America is.  I actually knew who he was before the movie came out as well.  F@#$ you, dude!”  My boyfriend had to calm me down.

But that seems to be a trend in society today.  Girls, for some odd and strange reason, can’t be geeks.  If we like video games, it’s because our boyfriends or brothers got us into them.  If we like comics, we’re not real comic fans because we don’t read obscure titles from indy authors.  If we like anything within the geek culture, it’s not good enough.  Girls are posers and fakes.  Unless we prove it.

As if being a girl in this society isn’t hard enough.  Now I have to prove to you that I’m a geek.

It’s as if we’ve stumbled into some secret boy society and they aren’t comfortable with girls in their club yet.  So they say things and do things so that girls will get out of their club.  How’s that working for you, boys?  I would imagine not so well.

Because girl geeks are true geeks.  We’re passionate about the same stuff you’re passionate about.  We’re knowledgable in the lore that we care about.  And we’re part of the club.  We’re not going anywhere.  If anything, our numbers are growing as more girls become comfortable with their geekdom.  As girls grow into women and those women have girls of their own, our ranks swell.  We proudly say:

“I loved Firefly before Serenity came out!”

“I have beaten ever Legend of Zelda game that has come out (in the US)!”

“I’m a level 55 Gunslinger and I kick Sith ass!”

“I highlighted Harry Potter in order to map out the plot!”

“I’ve seen every episode of Star Trek: TNG!”

“I went to SDCC!”

“I read comics and manga and sci fi and fantasy!”

“I watch Arrow!”

“I knew who the f@#$ Captain America was before the movie!”

So all I really wanted to say, is gentlemen, please stop assuming that the t-shirt is our boyfriend’s.  We’re geeks too.  And we’re super proud of it!

Disney Adulting

All Things Disney for Adults

NeuroLogica Blog

DaynaJD's Blog

Paleocave Blog

Trust us, we're scientists

Brachiolope Media

The best podcasts in all of SCIENCE!

Sara Dobie Bauer

Author of BITE SOMEBODY and other sexy things