Author Archives: DaynaJD

About DaynaJD

I'm a high school science teacher who has a love of all things science, science fiction, fantasy, Disney and nerdy.

Here we go again

School has started!  Tables are in groups, white board markers are ready, seating charts are made, and syllabus have been read.  We are officially back to school.  Happy end of summer, fellow teachers.

Every year, I want to tell my new students so much.  I want to tell them that I am there for them, truly.  I want them to succeed and I want them to understand and I want them to try their very best.  I also want them to fail and I want them to struggle and I want them to say that they don’t get it.  I want my students to experience what it is like to have a super easy time with something.  I want them to experience what it is like to have to struggle like hell to get something.  I want my students to experience life in all the nitty-gritty (but not too nitty-gritty because they are just 16 after all) that I can offer.

This may sound weird, but I tell all of my students that they will fail at some point in my class.  I don’t mean that they will get an F.  I mean that they will not do something as well as they thought they had.  They will have to give up on something they didn’t want to.  They will not meet their expectations.  I tell them that because I want them to know that failure is not the end.  Yeah, I know that quiz was hard and you got a C on it when you wanted a B.  What are you going to do about it?  Yeah, I know you didn’t understand the instructions and got a B instead of an A.  What are you going to do next time?  Because I think that when someone fails is when they really start to realize what they are made of.

I also let my students know that it’s okay to be wrong about something.  I’m wrong somethings.  I mess up and do things incorrectly.  And, you know what, that’s ok.  I’ve made it this far and to crashed and burned out (mostly).  I think we don’t let students fail enough.  I think we don’t let students try to pick themselves up without help.  I think we put the safety net too high.  Oh, there is a safety net, to be sure, but maybe we can let them try to figure out how to fall correctly before showing them that the safety net is there (maybe that metaphor got away from me a little, but you know what I mean).

So students, I really do adore all of you.  Yes, all of you.  But I am going to be harsh and hard and enforce things that you don’t like.  I am going to push you and push you because I know you can do better.  And I am going to help you out to the best of my ability every time.

Welcome to Ms. Doskocil’s class of 2017-2018.


Just the Right Amount of Excitement

I recently went to a movie theater and watched Cars 3, which was excellent but not the point of this story.  At the theater, I saw a poster for Star Wars: The Last Jedi and just about lost my mind.  I was so excited.  I took a picture of the movie poster.  I walked out of the theater giddy.  I was practically bouncing.

Maybe I was too excited.

I’ve had this happen to me before.  There is a button at the end of the new King Kong movie (not the Peter Jackson one but the new new one) that showed some of the other giant monster legends, i.e. Godzilla, Mothra, the cray Hydra looking one, and I literally squeed like a teen-age girl at a One Direction concert.  The person I was with casually (and in no way disrespectfully) commented that I was maybe a bit too excited about the new brand of giant monster movies coming out.  This got me thinking: what is “too excited”?

I have many fandoms: Disney, Kingdom Hearts, Zelda, and The Dresden Files to name a few.  I get excited when I see that something new is coming out or that something is being redone in an interesting way. (BTW, I don’t care what you think, that Dresden Files TV show was awesome!  Damn SciFi channel for canceling it!).  Sometimes I get really excited about things.  But I’m not sure that I’ve ever been “too excited” about my fandoms.  I’ve been exactly as excited as I want to be.  My level of excitement is proportional to my interest in the thing.  I’m not really sure when this “you’re too excited” thing started.  Do people say that to sports fans?  “You’re too excited about the Patriots winning?”  Or is it just this thing that is reserved for “geeks” and our fandoms.

I’m not going to worry about being too excited for the new Star Wars movie, or the new Star Wars land in Disneyland.  Or any of the upcoming events in my life.  I’ve got the right kind of excitement going on.


Bite Somebody Else book cover released!

Yaaaaass!

Author Sara Dobie Bauer wrote a book called Bite Somebody about awkward vampire Celia.  I wrote about it here.  Among the crazy cast of characters is Imogene, a vamp with a serious crush on the 80’s and a badass attitude.  Now, Imogene looks to be the star in Bauer’s newest book, Bite Somebody Else.  Below, in all her glory, is Imogene on the newly released book cover.

BiteSomebodyElse_final_wrapRGB

Looking forward to reading about the shenanigans of Imogene, Celia, and Ian when the book is released June 20th, 2017.


Rory Gilmore and the 30-somethings

Gilmore Girls was one of those shows that I found by complete accident and have since fallen in love with.  I was an intern at the Center for Animal Research and Education (CARE) where one of the other interns was a watching the show during a rare break.  Having already finished all of the Harry Potter books that summer and with nothing else pressing to do, I decided to sit down and watch with her.  And I was hooked.  It became a daily ritual: get up, water the cats, do the chores, schedule lunch around Gilmore Girls reruns so that I could watch it.

Lorelai Gilmore became my spirit animal.  I wished that I could be as sassy and quick witted and coffee-fueled as this ultra-super mom.  She was (and still is) who I want to be when I grow up, partly because she can eat anything, but mostly because she was a self-suffiant woman who worked hard for her accomplishments.  At the same time, she wasn’t afraid to ask for help when she needed it, even if she needed to ask her parents.  Lorelai Gilmore was how I thought people were supposed to adult correctly.

I know many of my friends don’t like Rory Gilmore and have never liked Rory Gilmore.  I tend to have a little different view of Rory.  Yes, she was annoying, but what teenager isn’t annoying (I work with teenagers, so I know how annoying they can be).  She made some stupid decisions because we all make stupid decisions in our teens and twenties.  No, she shouldn’t have dumped Dean for Jesse.  No, she shouldn’t have slept with Dean after he was married.  Yes, she treated Marty like shit and he really didn’t deserve it.  But she wasn’t so bad, either.  She worked hard to go after her goals, she befriended Paris Geller, she supported Lane in her music career.  At the end of the seven season run, I was on team Rory.  I supported her decision to leave Logan and find herself.  I wanted to see her succeed.

You can image my disappointment when Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life showed Rory as a selfish, entitled little girl with no goals and apparently no job history.  For as much as I loved Lorelai and Luke’s relationship in A Year in the Life, for as much as I loved watching Emily Gilmore find herself after the death of her husband, for as much as I missed seeing Richard Gilmore, I really hated Rory and the way the show producers decided to portray 30-something year olds.

In case you haven’t seen it yet, here’s the run down: Rory Gilmore is lost. She doesn’t have an apartment so she is moving around between Lorelai’s place, Emily’s place, Paris’s place in New York, and Logan’s (yes, that Logan) place in London. For a person with no job, she certainly travels a lot, though. How the freak does she afford the plane tickets from New York to London every other week? Is Logan paying for it? Her grandmother? Anyway, that’s not the point. Her main source of accomplishment is writing a piece for the New Yorker, which is great. In ten years since leaving Yale, she has finally written a piece for a prestigious magazine and is now using that to help propel her career forward. Except she’s not. And I think that is my main problem with Rory in this new mini-series. She thinks she is above an internet magazine, but takes the interview anyway and has nothing to say about herself. Really? You are a 32 year old woman and you don’t know how to sell yourself to a potential job? I don’t know any 30-something year old who doesn’t know how to do that. Maybe they are out there, but I’ve never met them. So Rory moves home and meets the 30-something club (or whatever the hell they call it).

I understand being down on your luck. I understand losing a job and having to scramble to figure it out. I understand not knowing what to do and going home, but this is where the show lost me. I don’t understand any of the motives of the 30-something club. Here’s a bunch of 30-something year olds with no jobs because “the world chewed them up and spit them out” according to Taylor Doose. But more than that, they seem like they don’t even care that they don’t have a job. They seem perfectly happy with sipping on milk shakes and letting their parents take care of them. Maybe I take this to heart because I am a 30-something year old and most of my friends are 30-something year olds, but I actually found that group in the show offensive.

I am a 33 year-old woman. Many of my friends are 30-something year old men and women. None of them live with their parents. None of them are content with drinking milk shakes while their parents try to help them find a job. None of them wander around the town like lost puppies with nothing to do. All of them are hard working individuals with jobs, apartments or houses, children or pets. Some have spouses, some have significant others, some are single. All have dealt with lose and tragedy and frustration, yet they have struggled on to meet success. This is how 30-somethings deal with the difficulties of the “real world”, by staring it in the face and shouting, “fuck you” while drinking some wine (or craft beer). We build our friendships, relay on each other, ask our parents for help or advice when we need it, and generally kick ass because we know all about the harsh realities of the real world. We know all about crippling student debt and bad job markets. We know all about losing jobs and being rejected. And we still go out there every day and fight for what we want. We definitely don’t sit in the candy store and drink milk shakes and pretend that we don’t have to worry about the world because our parents will take care of us.


Bite Somebody Else release date PLUS join the BSE Army

My friend wrote a book titled Bite Somebody. The sequel, Bite Somebody Else, is coming out June 20th.

Sara Dobie Bauer

bse

This year is the year of Bite Somebody Else, due to be released (drum roll) June 20th. That’s right, folks, we have an official release date.

JUNE 20. JUNE 20. JUNE 20. Mark your calendars!!!!!

If you’d like to read all about the sequel to Bite Somebody, click HERE.

As I prepare for exciting things like the cover reveal and completion of the Bite Somebody screenplay, I ask you to enlist in the Bite Somebody Else Army.

Members of my BSE Army receive news about Celia, Ian, and Imogene as soon as it’s released via email. In exchange, I ask that you share my exciting news on your social media. Whether that be on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr, I need help spreading the news about Bite Somebody Else.

If you’d like to join the BSE Army, feel free to:
Email me at sara@saradobie.com.
OR

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Supergirl

I’ve been watching season one of Supergirl on Netflix recently.  I have to admit that I love the DC TV shows while not really enjoying the movies.  I think Arrow, while sometimes problematic, is an enjoyable show about this man who is trying to be different. (Side not, Felicity can leave.  I really dislike her after the end of season four).  The Flash is amazingly charming and fun while still having that “dark side” of Barry Allen because of his background.  But Supergirl, that is just on a different level.

So, full disclaimer, I am a season behind on all of the CW shows because I watch them on Netflix.  This is because, besides being a full time teacher, I am also a graduate student and don’t have time for live TV.  So, all of the spoilers, and there will be some, will be for season one of Supergirl.  You have been warned.

I wasn’t very impressed with Supergirl at first.  Kara seemed super bubbly and all smiles and kittens and rainbows.  Her sister, Alex, seemed all angsty and frowns and rainclouds.  And Henshaw seemed to be all bully and hard-ass.  I expected Winn to be doe-eyed for Supergirl and Jimmy, excuse me, James Olsen to be Dashing Love Interest man.  And Cat Grant, don’t  get me started on Cat Grant.  She was the tyrant boss who was going to make Kara’s life a living hell.

But the show did something to surprise me.  It took these characters and actually didn’t turn them into pigeon-holed stereotypes of themselves.  It actually made them human and made me care about them, damn it.  And it made me see how the movie version Superman just couldn’t live up to his exceptations.

I grew up watching “Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman”.  While there may be some miss remembered nostalgia involved, I remember loving this show.  Clark Kent was so much better than any other person, not because he had to be but because he wanted to be.  See, the thing about Superman, and Supergirl, is that they are so much stronger than any person on Earth.  They could so easily take over because who among us could stop them.  But they don’t.  They chose not to.  They chose to take the harder path and help people.  Supergirl embraces that choose.

I didn’t realize this until episode 16 of season.  Here’s the spoilers if you’ve never seen it.  Kara gets infected by red kryptonite.  This basically took all of the good out of Supergirl, took all of her inhibitors out, and turned Supergirl into a real asshole of a person.  She said and did whatever she was feeling instead of doing what she knew was right.  This, of course, caused some issued with her sister, with James, with Cat, and with Henshaw.  But jackass Supergirl wasn’t the part of the episode that made me see what Supergirl was all about.  It was the last 10 minutes of the show, when Alex removes the effects of red kryptonite and Supergirl realizes all that she did.  There were so many feels in that moment.  Supergirl breaks down because she is so sorry.  She can’t articulate how sorry she is for her actions.  She can remember all of it, and she knows that the worst part of her bubbled to the surface, but the remorse she shows is so real and genuine.  Even beyond the remorse, she realizes how much she fucked up and is willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with her friends and her city.

That is the thing that is missed in the new Superman movies.  Sure, Superman was sorry he had to kill Zod, but there is no remorse for his other actions.  There is zero talk about how he utterly destroyed Metropolis.  There is zero remorse for not being able to save people.  There is no comment on his commitment to be so much more than human.  Supergirl did that in episode 16 of season one.

Some of the characters were turning for me.  Cat Grant has turned into one of the most interesting and believable characters on the show (yes, I’ve seen IMDB and am very sad about it).  Henshaw’s story took an amazing turn for the unexpected.  Even Alex is a multifaceted character with issues and love her for adopted sister.  But showing the remorse and the anguish that Supergirl experiences after her realization that she was a super asshat was what really made this feel like a Super TV show.


Yours, Kaidan

I… I can’t.  This is too much right now.  I don’t want to do this without you.


I can’t sleep without dreaming about you.  We’re in some sort of forest only it was too green and you are so far away from me.  I try to run, but I can never reach you.  You just keep walking away from me.  You don’t even look back.

I wake up in a cold sweat every night.  You’re still not here.  I need you to come back again.


It’s been a few weeks now.  They found Anderson’s body.  They still haven’t found…

Everything is so different.

I miss you so much.

Please don’t be gone.


I’m supposed to be recording my thoughts.  They said it would make it… easier…  I’m not sure how it’s supposed to make you… being gone easier.  It’s been a month now.  We’re getting used to this new existence.  Joker and EDI seem so happy.

I envy them.

I love you.

I miss you.


Shepard,

We put your plaque up today on the wall in the mess, right above Anderson’s.  You’re really gone this time.

The first time you died… well… I wasn’t ready for that.  I’m not sure we can ever be ready for someone we love to die suddenly, but that was too sudden.  I didn’t want to accept it.  It took so long for me to move on.

And then you came back.  I thought it was our chance to start over, to finally get the ending we deserve after all those battles and all this war and all this suffering.  I can still hear your last words to me “No matter what happens, know that I love you.  Always.”

I will always love you, Shepard.

I don’t know what to do now.

I miss you.

Kaidan.


Shepard,

Liara said it is good that I’m talking to you like this.  Cortez isn’t so sure.  We had a good talk, Cortez and I.  He told me about his husband and how you helped him let go.  I’m not ready yet, to let you go.  It’s only been a little over a month since…

The Reapers are helping us rebuild Earth.  Whatever you did, you did an amazing job.  I knew you would.

It’s still too new, but I get it now.  The first time you died, it was so sudden that I couldn’t really understand.

This time, I think I’m starting to understand.  Doesn’t make the bed any less cold at night.  I miss you so much.

Love,

Kaiden


Hey Shepard,

I had another dream about you last night.  We were in that forest, only it was different this time.  It wasn’t as green this time and I could just make out the faint shape of others in between the trees.  You were standing in front of me, looking at me.  I could see your mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear anything.  I reached out, but you disappeared.  Then you were suddenly farther away.  I tried to run for you, but I couldn’t move fast enough.

You’re gone.  Out of my reach.  I miss you every waking moment.  The least you can do is let me have some peace at night.


I’m sorry.

I just miss you.  And I love you.  And it’s not fair that you’ll never get to miss me.

I love you,

Kaidan


Shepard,

I didn’t notice it until Dr. Chakwa asked me, but the head aches are completely gone.  I haven’t had a single problem since… Since we all changed.  Whatever you did, whatever happened up there, it changed the L2 implants somehow.  Doc ran some tests but they all came back the same.  The green circuits were able to stabilize the implants somehow.  She doesn’t understand it, but apparently others are seeing the same thing.

So, that’s something good, I guess.

Doesn’t make me miss you any less.

I love you,

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

The Geth and the Quarians are rebuilding together.  I get updates from Tali.  She can take her suit off.  She says she owes it all to you.

Wrex says they are rebuilding, too.  The first Krogan baby was born not too long ago.  They are learning how to control their breeding so that they won’t over populate their planet.  He wishes he could thank you in person.

I wish you could see this.  We are rebuilding London.  You would have loved seeing the Reapers added flair.  It’s so amazing that you were able to give us this.

Maybe it’s selfish of me, but sometimes, okay more than sometimes, I wish I could give this all up just to hear your voice again.

I love you,

Kaidan


Diana has a recording of you.  I’m not sure you knew she was recording because you are smiling and laughing.

I’d give anything to see that smile again, to hear that laughter again, to feel you against me again.

I can’t do this right now.  I’m sorry.

I hate this.


Shepard,

I’ve watched that clip a dozen or so times now.  Joker and Vega are getting a little worried about me.  I think Joker actually asked EDI to limit my access.  She came to me, though.  I never realized how much she missed you too.  You’re the reason that she’s alive, that she can feel sad about you being… gone.

I’m sad all the time.  Sometimes, when we are in the middle of a mission or working on rebuilding and fixing all the damage I can ignore it.  But I miss you so much.  I knew it would be goodbye, back on Earth right before the final push.  But you sounded so sure that we would see each other again.  You were going to be waiting for me and I better show up.

I showed up, Shepard.  I’m still here.  Where are you?  You said you’d be waiting for me!  Instead you had to go and die!  Again!  I don’t want to do this without you…


I’m sorry, Shepard.  For last time.  You’re gone and I’m still here and… I can’t always deal with it.

I got through to Garrus.  They are building on Palaven with the help of the Reapers.  He’s just as stunned as the rest of the galaxy.  We caught up on the Citadel and traded Shepard stories.  He told me about your work with Cerberus, when… after you came back.  It’s still one of my big regrets that I didn’t go with you then.  But it was good to talk to Garrus.  It was good to remember what you stood for, even when I thought you were going against all of what we fought for.

He told me how he offered to, how did he phrase it?, relieve some tension with you.  And you turned him down.  Apparently, you turned down quite a few similar offers.  I guess I never realized that you felt that much for me.  I’m sorry if I ever accused you otherwise.

It’s been two months and the Normandy is officially fully operational again.  I’m not sure what we will do or where we will go.  There is barely any conflict in the galaxy.  The Geth and the Quarians continue to work side-by-side with each other.  The Krogan are rebuilding and working on fixing their planet.  The other races are doing the same.  Earth is… almost boring.  We understand each other.  We help each other.  Organics have the technology we need and synthetics have the understanding they need.  I asked EDI about it once and she said that she didn’t need to ask you any more hard questions because she understood now.

I wish you were here to see it.

Love you,

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

I finally was able to get through to my mom today.  She’s alive and well and has been helping with the rebuild in Canada.  Dad… He didn’t make it.  We’re having a funeral for him.  I wish they could have met you.  I’m not really the religious sort, but I kind of hope that you and my dad will be waiting for me.

I love you.

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

I was officially made commander of the Normandy today.  They were going to remove your name from the Captain’s cabin, but I asked that they leave it.  They just added my name above yours.

Commander Alenko.

Commander Shepard.

It shouldn’t matter.  I’ve been sleeping in that room with you for months.  I’ve been sleeping in that room alone for months, too.  I just feels weird now that it’s officially…mine.  It’s not yours.  It’s not ours.

I think about you every day.  I miss you every day.  I love you always.

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

Almost a whole new crew.  Cortez is still here.  And so are Donnelley and Daniels.  Traynor and Westmoreland and Campbell all decided to stay as well.  But the rest are gone now.  Adams was promoted and has been working on Earth, redesigning some new engine system.  Liara left for the Citadel, although I still get an occasional update from the Shadow Broker on the last splintered remains of Cerberus.  Garrus and Tali left to rebuild their worlds.

Joker, of course, is still our pilot.  I don’t think they will ever be able to replace him now.  EDI would stop that.

I see them, when they think no one is looking, holding hands or just casually touching when they talk.  I miss those moments with you the most.

Love you,

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

Sometimes I wish I had just pulled you up on the Normandy when Garrus and I were evacuated.  I wish I had just held on tight and said screw the rest of the galaxy and never let you go.

You would have hated that.  And I know it would have changed everything for the worst.  But I would have had that much more time with you before all life in the galaxy was wiped out again.  Some days, on the really bad days, I think I would have preferred that.

Love you,

Kaidan


Shepard,

The Council, or what’s left of it, actually sent us out on a mission.  Some crazy Krogan rogue group is targeting the Salarians!  Can you believe it?  After everything we went through with the Reapers and trying to rebuild society in the aftermath, these lunatics decide they still have a grudge to settle.  Man, do they have a quad.

Wrex actually contacted the Council and let them know what was happening.  I think it’s a good step toward some positive relationships in the future.  Hopefully.  Anyway, the Council called me in because I’m still a Spector and I have combat experience against Krogan.

It was a lot like it used to be, racing off in the Normandy to solve the problems of the galaxy.  Some things never change, I guess.  Vega’s a good guy, too.  This was his last mission with us.  He’s shipping off to N7 after this.  Says you inspired him.

Some things change a lot, though.  You weren’t there, leading the charge.  I’ve lead my number of charges, but I got so used to following you into battle.  It was weird to lead again, especially without you there.

I still miss you every day.  The bed seemed extra cold after the heat of the fight.

I love you so much.

Kaidan


I had a dream about you again last night.  We were in that forest and there were dark shadows all around us.  But you were standing in front of me.  You were so beautiful.  I tried to reach out and touch you, but I couldn’t reach you.  I couldn’t move fast enough.  You tried to tell me something, but I wouldn’t hear you.  I could just see your lips moving.  I couldn’t reach you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you, in the end.  There is nothing I would have wanted more.  I should be mad at you because you robbed me of that by putting me on the Normandy, but I can’t be.  I would have done the same.  I would have done anything to make sure you came out of there alive, even if I couldn’t join you.

I can’t be mad at you for doing the same.

I love you.

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

I never realized all the little things you had to do while being in command.  Shift changes and personnel schedules and combat duty rosters.  Traynor’s been a big help.  She said she used to work with you doing that stuff all the time.  Kept you up to date on messages and missions and the crew too.  I didn’t realize you guys were so close.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think she likes my organizational style.  Things keep shifting piles.  She doesn’t say anything though.

Love you

Kaidan


Shepard,

New orders came in today.  We’re the fastest ship in the galaxy which means they have us running errands are VIPs from one side of the system to the other.  Garrus helped us escort some Turrians to the Citidel for more supplies.  A Geth ambassador needed a lift to Krogan space.  And of course the Krogans are moving around like crazy trying to get their planet rebuilt.  Meanwhile, the Reapers are moving supplies from one place to the next just to make sure everyone has what they need.

I think you would have handled it all better.  I’m starting to get bored with all this running around.  I don’t mean to complain because peace is nice for once, but I’m a solider.  I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing anymore.

I miss you every day.

Love you

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

Finally got around to playing chess with Traynor.  She’s really good.  Guess I need more practice.

She mentioned that she has dreams about you.  They sounded a lot like the dreams I’ve been having.  We’re in the forest and I can see your lips moving but I can’t hear anything.  You’re so close I can almost touch you, but every time I reach out, you’re gone.

Her dreams sounded so similar it was weird.  What are you trying to tell us?

Love you

Kaidan


Shepard,

I talked to Dr. Chakwa today about the dreams and she is having them too.  In fact, everyone on the ship is having similar dreams about you.  And not just on the ship.  I got in touch with all the old crew and they all said the same.  I’m not sure how to feel about that.  Dr. Chakwa is looking into it.

Is it just because we were all so connected to you that we still feel the pain of your death?  I kind of think it’s something more…  I wonder if, in some way, you’re still with us.  Traynor likes the idea.

Love you

Kaidan


Hey,

Today is the one-year university of your… They are calling it Synthesis Day in the Citadel.  We call it Shepard Day on Earth.  The Alliance is raising a statue of you and Anderson in London to celebrate.  We were all invited as heroes of the London advance.  I didn’t want to go, but Joker and EDI convinced me to.  They were right, of course.

The statue of you is pretty good.  You have this fierce look on your face, the determination to never quit.  I’ve seen that look a hundred times.  You never wanted to give up, even when things were at the worst and we couldn’t convince the Council that first time with Sovereign, you didn’t want to give up.  It’s a great look to capture.

They had us all on stage: me and Garrus and Tali and Vega and Cortez.  Joker and EDI held each other while they put your statue up.  I thought I was going to lose it.  I almost walked away.  But this weird thing happened.  Traynor grabbed my hand and squeezed.

I’m not sure how I feel about it.  My heart was in the pit of my stomach as I watched them immortalize you in stone.  I was back at ground zero, the place where I last saw you alive.  I could almost see you again as you told me you loved you and then walked away.  The pain was still there and the longing and anguish because I knew I was never going to see you again.  And all that was back and fresh.  I could almost hear the gunfire and smell the blood.

And then she was there and her hand felt warm.  It was real and grounding and I felt… I don’t know.

I still miss you all the time.

I still love you.

I’m not sure what to do about this other thing.

Kaidan


Hey Shepard,

Joker and EDI convinced me to go on a double date with Samantha – Traynor.  It… It was nice.  She was nice.  Maybe… I’m not sure…

I saw you again in my dream last night.  They are becoming less and less frequent.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m slowly letting you go or because you are slowly fading away.  We learned that just about everyone has the dreams.  Dr. Chakwa can’t explain it fully, but I think it was you that changed everything last year. I don’t know what you did, but I’m convinced you somehow became a part of us all.  And maybe that part is now fading.  You didn’t try to talk this time.  Instead you just smiled at me.  I didn’t try to reach out either.

Maybe it’s a sign.

I still miss you, but the pain is lessening.  It always does with time.

Yours,

Kaidan

 


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